Dating

The Importance of Listening

The Importance of Listening

The Importance of Listening

If you want to create an authentic connection, there is nothing more important than listening. Yet most of us – if we’re being honest – prefer talking to listening.

I know introverts often feel they are great listeners, but I also know that half the time, they’re silently judging how annoying those never-shut-up extroverts are.

So even though I just wrote about this recently, it seems worthwhile to link to this New York Times piece about the art of listening. 

“We are encouraged to listen to our hearts, our inner voices and our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and purposefully to other people. Instead, we talk over one another at cocktail parties, work meetings and even family dinners. Online and in person, it’s all about defining yourself, shaping the narrative and staying on message.

And yet, listening can be more valuable than speaking. Wars have been fought, fortunes lost and friendships wrecked for lack of listening. It is only by listening that we engage, understand, empathize, cooperate and develop as human beings. It is fundamental to any successful relationship — personal, professional and political.”

The Internet. Facebook. Texting. All are great for expression and terrible for listening and nuanced discussion.

Want to trace the polarization of this country? Look no further than the rise of technology. The Internet. Facebook. Texting. All are great for expression and terrible for listening and nuanced discussion.

I’m really proud of the 135,000 comments on this blog and the laissez-faire moderation I do (deleting personal insults, allowing just about all other topic-related commentary) and yet our regular commenters still come to defend their worldview but rarely acknowledge learning something valid about someone else’s experience.

This is what I learned about myself from reading the linked article:

Because our brains can think a lot faster than people can talk, beware of the tendency to take mental side trips when you should be listening. Smart people are particularly apt to get distracted by their own galloping thoughts. They are also more likely to assume they already know what the other person is going to say…

How you listen can work like a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you’re barely listening to someone because you think that person is boring or not worth your time, you could actually make it so. Moreover, listening to other people makes it more likely other people will listen to you. This is partly because it’s human nature to return courtesies, but also because good listening improves your chances of delivering a message that resonates.

Listening is a skill. And as with any skill, it degrades if you don’t do it enough. Some people may have stronger natural ability while others may have to work harder, but each of us can become a better listener with practice. The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognize, and the better your instincts will be. Listening well can help you understand other people’s attitudes and motivations, which is essential in building cooperative and productive relationships, as well as discerning which relationships you’d be better off avoiding.

Amen. Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

[gravityform id=”10″ title=”false” description=”false”]

<div class=’gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_10′ ><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ id=’gform_10′ action=’/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_10′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_10_1′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_1′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_text’><input name=’input_1′ id=’input_10_1′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your first name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /></div></li><li id=’field_10_5′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_5′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_5′ id=’input_10_5′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_10_3′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_3′ id=’input_10_3′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_10_4′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_4′ id=’input_10_4′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_10_6′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_10_6′ >Name</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_10_6′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__6′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_10″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Get Instant Access” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_10”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_10”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window[“gf_submitting_10”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_10”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_10”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); }’> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_10′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’10’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_10′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_10′ id=’gform_target_page_number_10′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_10′ id=’gform_source_page_number_10′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 10) {if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’){ Placeholders.enable(); }} } );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [10, 1]) } ); </script>

[gravityform id=”13″ title=”false” description=”false”]

<div class=’gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper 8-mistakes-sidebar-form_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_13′ ><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ id=’gform_13′ class=’8-mistakes-sidebar-form’ action=’/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_13′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_13_1′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_1′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_text’><input name=’input_1′ id=’input_13_1′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your first name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /></div></li><li id=’field_13_5′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_5′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_5′ id=’input_13_5′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_13_3′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_3′ id=’input_13_3′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_13_4′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_4′ id=’input_13_4′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_13_6′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_13_6′ >Email</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_13_6′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__6′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_13″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Yes! Send me a copy of the 8 Massive Mistakes Report.” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_13”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_13”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window[“gf_submitting_13”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_13”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_13”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); }’> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_13′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’13’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_13′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_13′ id=’gform_target_page_number_13′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_13′ id=’gform_source_page_number_13′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 13) {if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’){ Placeholders.enable(); }} } );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [13, 1]) } ); </script>

[gravityform id=”27″ title=”false” description=”false” ajax=”true”]

<div class=’gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper’ id=’gform_wrapper_27′ ><div id=’gf_27′ class=’gform_anchor’ tabindex=’-1′></div><form method=’post’ enctype=’multipart/form-data’ target=’gform_ajax_frame_27′ id=’gform_27′ action=’/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening#gf_27′> <div class=’gform_body’><ul id=’gform_fields_27′ class=’gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below’><li id=’field_27_1′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><img class=”em-head” src=”https://www.evanmarckatz.com/images/em-head.jpg” width=”120″ height=”120″> <p align=”center”>Evan Marc Katz</p></li><li id=’field_27_2′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><center><br><br> <strong><span style=”font-size: 14px”>Are you sick of men not making an effort? <br><br> Are you tired of texting relationships? <br><br> Are you done with “Netflix and chill?”</span></strong><br><br><span style=”font-size: 12px”>Sign up for this free email training and I’ll tell you the <strong>8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships</strong> so you never end up feeling this way again. </span></center></li><li id=’field_27_3′ class=’gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><center><img style=”margin: 20px 0″ width=”131″ height=”190″ src=”https://www.evanmarckatz.com/images/8-mistakes-cover.png”></center></li><li id=’field_27_10′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_hidden_label field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_hidden’ ><label class=’gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex’ >Name<span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_complex ginput_container no_prefix has_first_name no_middle_name no_last_name no_suffix gf_name_has_1 ginput_container_name’ id=’input_27_10′> <span id=’input_27_10_3_container’ class=’name_first’ > <input type=’text’ name=’input_10.3′ id=’input_27_10_3′ value=” aria-label=’First name’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” placeholder=’First Name’/> <label for=’input_27_10_3′ class=’hidden_sub_label screen-reader-text’>First</label> </span> </div></li><li id=’field_27_9′ class=’gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below hidden_label gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_27_9′ ><span class=’gfield_required’>*</span></label><div class=’ginput_container ginput_container_email’> <input name=’input_9′ id=’input_27_9′ type=’text’ value=” class=’medium’ placeholder=’Enter your best email address’ aria-required=”true” aria-invalid=”false” /> </div></li><li id=’field_27_5′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_5′ id=’input_27_5′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_27_6′ class=’gfield gform_hidden field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><input name=’input_6′ id=’input_27_6′ type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ aria-invalid=”false” value=’https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/communication/the-importance-of-listening’ /></li><li id=’field_27_11′ class=’gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible’ ><label class=’gfield_label’ for=’input_27_11′ >Name</label><div class=’ginput_container’><input name=’input_11′ id=’input_27_11′ type=’text’ value=” /></div><div class=’gfield_description’ id=’gfield_description__11′>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class=’gform_footer top_label’> <input type=”submit” id=”gform_submit_button_27″ class=”gform_button button om-trigger-conversion” value=”Sign Up Now” onclick=’if(window[“gf_submitting_27”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_27”]=true; ‘ onkeypress=’if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window[“gf_submitting_27”]){return false;} window[“gf_submitting_27”]=true; jQuery(“#gform_27”).trigger(“submit”,[true]); }’> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_ajax’ value=’form_id=27&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’is_submit_27′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_submit’ value=’27’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_unique_id’ value=” /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’state_27′ value=’WyJbXSIsIjM5YjE2ZTFlY2Y0NGVmZTI0NmI1OGU0NWZhMWYzZmI2Il0=’ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_target_page_number_27′ id=’gform_target_page_number_27′ value=’0′ /> <input type=’hidden’ class=’gform_hidden’ name=’gform_source_page_number_27′ id=’gform_source_page_number_27′ value=’1′ /> <input type=’hidden’ name=’gform_field_values’ value=” /> </div> </form> </div> <iframe style=’display:none;width:0px;height:0px;’ src=’about:blank’ name=’gform_ajax_frame_27′ id=’gform_ajax_frame_27′>This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.</iframe> <script type=’text/javascript’>jQuery(document).ready(function($){gformInitSpinner( 27, ‘https://www.evanmarckatz.com/wp-content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.gif’ );jQuery(‘#gform_ajax_frame_27’).on(‘load’,function(){var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘*’).html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf(‘GF_AJAX_POSTBACK’) >= 0;if(!is_postback){return;}var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘#gform_wrapper_27’);var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘#gform_confirmation_wrapper_27’).length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf(‘gformRedirect(){‘) >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;var mt = parseInt(jQuery(‘html’).css(‘margin-top’), 10) + parseInt(jQuery(‘body’).css(‘margin-top’), 10) + 100;if(is_form){jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass(‘gform_validation_error’)){jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).addClass(‘gform_validation_error’);} else {jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).removeClass(‘gform_validation_error’);}setTimeout( function() { /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).offset().top – mt); }, 50 );if(window[‘gformInitDatepicker’]) {gformInitDatepicker();}if(window[‘gformInitPriceFields’]) {gformInitPriceFields();}var current_page = jQuery(‘#gform_source_page_number_27’).val();gformInitSpinner( 27, ‘https://www.evanmarckatz.com/wp-content/plugins/gravityforms/images/spinner.gif’ );jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_page_loaded’, [27, current_page]);window[‘gf_submitting_27’] = false;}else if(!is_redirect){var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find(‘.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK’).html();if(!confirmation_content){confirmation_content = contents;}setTimeout(function(){jQuery(‘#gform_wrapper_27’).replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery(‘#gf_27’).offset().top – mt);jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_confirmation_loaded’, [27]);window[‘gf_submitting_27’] = false;}, 50);}else{jQuery(‘#gform_27’).append(contents);if(window[‘gformRedirect’]) {gformRedirect();}}jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [27, current_page]);} );} );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_render’, function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 27) {if(typeof Placeholders != ‘undefined’){ Placeholders.enable(); }} } );jQuery(document).bind(‘gform_post_conditional_logic’, function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} );</script><script type=’text/javascript’> jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger(‘gform_post_render’, [27, 1]) } ); </script>

Source

Tags
World's Best Adult Game Ever 18+

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button
Close