Dating

What It’s Like To Love An Emotionally Unavailable Man

What It’s Like To Love An Emotionally Unavailable Man

“Never count on a man,” her father had told her. “They will always let you down.” So she didn’t, and they still did.

Pretty powerful headline, huh?

This Modern Love essay in the New York Times sounds like it was directly downloaded from the memories of any of my Love U coaching clients.

Let me know if this dynamic rings a bell to you:

I thought of him as my lover, although he never said he loved me. When I was feeling concerned, I would ask him what we were doing, what he wanted, where this was going. He was uncomfortable with such questions, but if I was direct, he would answer.

No, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. No, he wasn’t having sex with anyone else. No, he didn’t want to.

But he didn’t introduce me to anyone in his life. Even when I asked him to. And he didn’t tell his family about me, although I knew all about them.”

It’s the smart, strong, successful woman’s comfort zone

Yep. This is what happens when you choose a guy because you “like” him as opposed to choosing a guy because of how he treats you when you’re not together. It’s the smart, strong, successful woman’s comfort zone – little investment, little vulnerability, little chance of such a relationship developing into something real and long-lasting.

“I was enjoying my career, good health, long trail runs with my Australian shepherd, a vibrant social life and the quiet time it took to read a book a week. I appreciated that he wasn’t needy, that he didn’t call just to check in. He didn’t send “good morning beautiful” texts when he needed attention or wish me sweet dreams in Bitmojis to see if I was home.

When we texted each other, it was to exchange information about when and where we would meet. When I asked him how he was doing, he answered in one or two words. When we were together, he often told me how much he appreciated my low expectations.”

If you have a relationship like this, why are you still in it? If you’ve had a relationship like this, why’d you stay? Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

Happy ClientsHappy Clients

  • Busola O.

    “I feel very fortunate that I gave him a chance and that he’s in my life. The best part is that there is NO DRAMA!”

    “Why He Disappeared” made me feel like I was in control of my love life and that it was not in control of me. Now I’m VERY happy with myself and my relationship. I can relax and not stress about the future, I’m enjoying the here and now and its so much FUN!

    Busola O.
  • Ali G. (soon to be Ali S!)

    “I’m in love, getting married and hopefully starting a family soon.  I couldn’t be any happier.”

    You didn’t always tell me what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear.  You were honest with me even when I didn’t like it.  You put a mirror to my face…no one enjoys that but it’s important if you really want to make a change and find the real thing.

    Ali G. (soon to be Ali S!)
  • Sahaja P.

    “I finally know what it’s like to be relaxed in a relationship. I can only thank you and the women of the Inner Circle.”

    You always did tell it like it is. I have to say thank you for believing in me, and giving me confidence I didn’t know I had. Thank you for seeing that there was something to be seen in me, that I didn’t even know existed.

    Sahaja P.

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